We all hear about the terrible two’s, don’t we? Personally, I called them the terrific two’s because if you know me, I will turn most situations into a positive one…and your words are powerful. I would not want my little guy hearing me call him terrible! Ouch. Imagine if you overheard someone you loved calling you terrible, how would that make you feel!? Anywho, the 3’s are way more exciting and a daily ever-changing adventure. Here are a few great ways to help emotional maturity and learning to cope with the emotions.
First thing I bet you have noticed with your loving little one is their BIG emotions. Big emotions come with BIG tantrums. The meltdowns, the screaming, the crying, the hitting, the biting, its all fair game with a toddler. Your little one loves you. Your LO doesn’t have the mental development to fully process these BIG emotions yet. Screaming at them, yelling, telling them “NO” in a stern voice isn’t teaching anything as far as learning to feel out and gain control over their emotions. What it is doing, is teaching them to stop feeling because feeling these things is bad and punishable.
Instead of immediately throwing a tantrum yourself, get down on their level and console them. They need for their feelings and emotions to be acknowledged. They want to be heard just as badly as you do. They need a hug. Be their counselor not their judge.
How many times do they melt down about putting shoes on? Hearing NO? Bedtime? Waiting? Think about this for a moment. Even as adults we still don’t like hearing the world NO, waiting when we want something. Your inner child throws a tantrum and you throw your guard up, don’t you? And you/me we are adults! Imagine this little tiny human who has no concept of feelings, emotions, when they are appropriate, they know nothing. It is up to us to properly guide them and teach them, coach them, help them learn about all the different feelings that come in life and how to walk through them calmly.
So, when the tantrum starts, meltdown happens, do not encourage the behavior by giving it attention. Even if you are in the store, let them let it out. YEP! You will be judged most likely inside the store. As they are letting it out talk them through the emotions. Ask toddler questions not in-depth questions. They are in fight or flight mode; logic is not present during these times. For example: Are you upset? What are you feeling? How are you feeling? Why are you feeling this way? Very simple questions. They may not respond but you are teaching them to evaluate their emotions. To process them. This is a lesson you will reap the reward ten fold later in life.
Second, toddlers want to feel in control. They are learning control and they need to feel powerful. Giving them choices and including them on the smallest things are BIG in their eyes. It fills up their love buckets. It creates self-trust, independence, respect towards you. When you are getting them ready for the day, have them help picking out their outfit. Give them 2-3 choices and give them total control over the decision-making process.
In the kitchen you can give them power by having them be your trusted assistant for certain duties. Emptying the dishwasher, have them hand you all the plastic or their own dishes to put away. Show them where they go and help them put them in the right spot. Multi-lesson going on here. With cooking have them assist you with the silly and simple tasks. Ask if they can help get something for you. Here is a fun and simple pumpkin cheesecake recipe your toddler will enjoy making with you this fall in the kitchen! Your little one LOVES to be around you and is so eager to learn, explore, and do everything just like you. Let them and encourage them.
Start implementing these into your home and watch how more responsive your child becomes! As always beautiful, cheers!!